April Lift-Off!

Late last night, after a great day enjoying a family first: bike riding with all four of us on our bikes cruising through parks and neighborhoods, then going to a school play of which my eldest rocked her goat character on stage, I was awakened by my youngest, a gentle shaking of my shoulder. She told me my eldest got sick and is lying on the floor of their bathroom, feeling ill. I opened my heart and calm and set myself to care mode in the best ways I could muster despite my wanting to sleep more. Sigh, but that is how it is! Loving someone is not for the feint of heart. Game on, I thought! And out of bed and to my sick child I went.

Earlier that day, the events evolved from the bike riding to us, my husband and I, watching our girls riding down the driveway on their bikes and showing off their unique riding skills, tricks and facial expressions. Peacock! With feet pointed together behind the seat. Tasmanian Devil! Funky sounds and silly faces. Skunk! That one was very smelly. I do not relish a repeat of that one. I laugh even as I write about it.

To watch them just exude who they were without pretense was just awesome. We soaked in this beautiful moment, a paycheck for all of our hard work and love and attention to hopefully feel capable, loved and properly supported. And it was wonderful, but a pang of emotion came up in this sweet moment, the noticing of what we didn’t get as a child. Enough attention? Support? A hug and an I love you? I’m sure you have felt this a time or two?

I have new perspectives now being a parent, where I am having stress and don’t know how to handle each situation. This invariable leads to what I call “translation errors”, where in that moment I was hoping to be present and wonderful and available in perfect form to my child, but end up being short, distracted, tired and unavailable in the way that child needs. I do my best to repair later, hug and talk it out, which is a great tool! It allows you to be human, and increase connection with your child, but I realize that my parents didn’t often use that tool. Their generation was more of the “grin and bear it” generation, or the “suck it up and get it done” generation. Dr. Spock, the only child psychology book my mother ever referenced did not talk about “hug it out, stay out of story, and just connect on a physical loving level, until the critter brain gets out of fight/flight mode.”

I am going through the phase now of my parents getting older and nearing the end of their lives, and by that, it could be perhaps this year, or in a few months, where their soul returns to spirit form to move onto the next chapter. Never been in this position before and although one knows that it is inevitable, to watch a parent shift from vibrant and dynamic to more grumpy, or irritable, or soft and gentle, or disoriented and disillusioned to where they are in this life, it takes some processing time and acceptance to what it all means.

How we can be at peace with what is and how we can show up in that moment more often?

One of my parent’s caregivers, who has been with my parents for over five years, said she has shifted now into a position of just loving my mom, giving her what she needs when she needs it no matter what, because my mom is more frail, softer and less some of the stronger Aries traits she used to exhibit (a bit bull-headed). I am reconciling now even more my feelings about my mother, after all the work I have already done to get to this point in my life in learning to be strong and grounded in self, that despite disappointments and wishes for things to have been different in the past; it’s a moot point. I realized it always has been.

The point is to honor what your parents are, know that they always were are are doing the best they can with what they were taught and learned. But it takes a lot of letting go, twisting and turning thoughts and ideas and beliefs and coming to a point where the truth takes you, and where peace finally washes over your soul. We don’t need to grin and bear it anymore; there are so many tools to help you through to the other side of the imbalance you have within yourself.

One will never have the “perfect” parent, but I see that’s not the point to focus on. The point is to focus on how to grow through YOUR hardships and be present, not bitter and resentful and sad, but to sit there and turn it all back onto yourself. You are the only one to fix your pain. No amount of trying to fix everybody else will ever solve the problem.

If you are in emotional pain and turmoil, sit with it. Acknowledge it, and then let it dis-create. Focus on the how YOU want to be in this moment. Because this moment is all you have. Figure out what beliefs you have. Uncover the imbalances that your body, mind and spirit are showing you. They are all pointing you to what you need to do. To find your truest, most authentic self. For isn’t that what this whole thing is about? Finding yourself and being your highest most connected in self in all these experiences of your life?

Take that breath when you are sad or frustrated. Notice that space in between what is coming at you and your feelings and reactions. Take another breath. You have all the time in the world. To. Just. Be. Find YOU in that space in between.

And take your next move. In Grace. In Love. In Peace.

I wish you a wonderful Saturday morning. Enjoy it.

Fondly,