Finding Your Inner Confidence

Hello Reader-

I don’t know about you, but it seems that this Fall has been full of change and being presented with old toxic energies! (It is the year of the snake, if you follow Chinese astrology coincidentally) If you have been noticing it too, then you might be wondering, is life always this hard? How are you working through it? What strengths are you finding within yourself?

Let me share with you something that I hope will relieve you of some of the stress.

When we shift in our minds, level up, eliminate old belief systems, there is a point though in this process of getting to that realization is : I think the universe asks “Really? Have you gotten it all? You sure?” And you are tested. In that testing, you really find out if you stand by your convictions. In doing so, you become even more solid in your boundaries; focusing more clearly on the trajectory you are creating for your life.

And why does this testing happen? This is my take: When you change, you see, think, experience differently. Your light is brighter. You are calmer. You realize in every fiber of your being that have nothing to prove to others, because you have really connected and accepted and LOVE who you are. Sure there are some things to tweak, but all in all, you are OK! And the rest of the world feels that difference.

Those who liked the old you might push back, as then they have to contend with the change. They might feel loss. They might feel challenged. And so in effort to keep the status quo, in their comfort… they resist.

It can be disconcerting for a while during this time. It might be lonely. It might be stressful! Let’s face it, you got some positive things out of being that way, too, otherwise you would have changed sooner. But now you have figured yourself out more, and are standing up for yourself more clearly and resoundingly.

Your vibration has shifted. And well done! But theirs hasn’t. There is now a dissonance; that oddly struck chord on the piano that makes your body feel out of sorts and your ears twitch. But with dissonance, there is a need to move to consonance: a resonance that feels good, calming and expansive. That’s where you come in.

It is up to you to fight for and/or be resolved to knowing what is best for you, and choosing what is best for you, despite the changes that might need to happen. With friends, work and/or family. Imagine what are all the amazing benefits when you actively choose and live your path, with integrity and calm resolve? Imagine it. Sink into it.

It feels amazing. And you have every right to make your world happen for yourself.

For me, this fall felt so full of tumultuous energy that I just kept wondering: What the actual heck is going on? One day, I was at my parents home, ever so hopeful it would go calmly and smoothly, but bracing for some usual behaviors to pop up.

Well, it didn’t go smoothly, but I was thrust into declaring calmly and clearly who I was, what was ok and not behavior towards my children. (Mama Bear came out!) And then a gift landed in my lap. A dark, horrible gift, but a gift and as I look on it now, a serious blessing.

It was about some particular choices my parents made long ago, which was the final piece to my healing, and answered the question as to why I lacked confidence, despite all the knowledge and training gained and earned throughout my lifetime.

Boom! He said it non-chalantly as if all parents did this, parents who locked their child outside by themselves for hours on end until it got cold and dark and had to wait to be let in. Multiple. times. I breathe deeply as I type this because just. WOW.

And I sat there for a few minutes with his words ringing in my head, dumbfounded, trying to make sense of what he just said. “Why? Did I do anything wrong?” I asked. “No. We just wanted time to ourselves.” That was their solution? To lock me out? Huh. Great choice, I thought sarcastically. The memories flooded in of my childhood that were so filled with sadness, despair and loneliness.

Now I know where that terror came from. Now I know those evenings were not happenstance, or an accident of forgetting your child was outside and you were just being efficient on locking the doors for the night.

Now I could heal that final broken piece within me. The part I never knew I had. Doh! I should have done a constellation about this to heal it sooner. Yes… I know. Ugh. But here we are.

In my desperation in my 20s, of trying to heal, I am so glad I have the tools of NLP, Family Constellations and Huna to guide me. And I use them all the time to shift from stress to quiet expansion and calm. Clearing out the old stuck stuff, (polishing, polishing, polishing!) and expanding into more lightness and strength.

What a gift.

Don’t worry! I am not going to sugarcoat the process of healing. I went through lots of emotions. Anger, shock, sadness, relived terror. But I use my tools. My tools work quickly because I get to the root and keep myself as the center of the healing, not just a passenger.

I went inward and I keep stoking the fire of calm, strength, resilience, grace and forgiveness.

My father passed away a few weeks after sharing those dark truths of when I was little, (interesting timing, I must say.) and I was left to figure it all out and process. A LOT!

So, the fall has been full of enlightening information, processing, digging deep into who I am, what I deserve, and sending my love and kindness with renewed vigilance to help others become stronger and happier in their lives.

I invite you to take a big breath, and ask yourself what you truly want.

What makes you happy?

What is toxic in your life that you don’t want to have any more?

What emotions and memories keep holding you back from forward motion in your life?

Let’s walk that path together and make it happen. You absolutely deserve anything you set your mind to.

Dream Big, Hold on Tight and Keep your Heart Open Wide!

Until Next Time,

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_{I share my stories of learning, and share the troubles we all have, and how to get through them. We are all in it together and sharing with each other is one of the best ways I know how to heal and propel ourselves forward into the adults we have always hoped to be. See you there!}

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