November Lift-Off!

You haven’t heard me in a while. I know and I am sorry about that! But I have been adulting… and learning some serious lessons while taking care of some old-standing dramas. As is my hope my lessons will help you in some way, or many ways.

You see, I have been working on my Understanding and Resetting Boundaries course, and it seems the universe said “You need to learn one more thing…” And so life threw me a big chunk of the final piece. Doesn’t it always send you what you ask for?! As a side note, it doesn’t always come in pretty packages, as you will read.

Here’s how that big chunk was presented: My mother, who kept saying “i’m fine” while in pain and bedrest for over a week, was thrust into the hospital via ambulance for over a week and later to a step-down facility to help her regain her strength.

Although that may not seem too terrible, this visit is after a long line of extended hospital stays over the years, all due to her refusing tests, ignoring doctor’s advice, doing things against doctor’s advice. During this whole time, she plays the victim card and insists all are against her. While enjoying this stay, she demands to go home, gets everyone in an uproar, claims that the nurses are terrible to her and on and on. Well, I put an end to that. I had finally reached the end of this need to go along with that belief system and execution she was putting forth.

Wow, that was a fun month!

Let me ask you this: Have you ever raised a child? Do you know that two year old petulant stage where they are so full of emotion and their demands are at the whim of their fears and lack of knowledge? For me, it was so hard to go through the first go around and I fell for all the tricks in the book, because my first child was so full of emotion! And I wanted her sadness to be taken away.

I was operating on always trying to make my mom happy (yes, people pleaser was my middle name) that with my child I was becoming exhausted and frustrated. I was also not helping my child learn to deal and move through with new tools that kept the system a little less volatile. At my last straw, I finally resigned myself to looking outside this horrible loop, and beyond to a better option, whatever that was.

Now that I have two girls of my own and have been in the trenches of manipulation of almost every kind, I pushed past the trying to make everything right (which I realized was doing nobody any good)… my exhaustion let my brain begin to see the patterns, the structure, the elements and pieces that were creating my child’s experience.

I began to see the drama as just that (exhibited to create avoidance and gain attention), and that the brain was just throwing emotions because it didn’t have anything more solid to run off of. With my NLP knowhow and now a better perspective, I can see through it all, and understand truly what my child is dealing with with very educated questions. I help my girls move through the overwhelm and into finding out the issue and developing skills from which to operate.

Back to my mother… She was throwing a hissy fit, at anyone who would listen and be intimidated by it, and to be at her beck and call. The doctor had had enough of her antics, and the nurses, too. When I stepped in to help deal with the whole situation of getting her to take her medications, do PT and not bark at the nurses, I ended up having absolutely no emotion tied to her being happy about what I was doing. I was fed up with the drama, the manipulations. I was just DONE. I was able to just hone in on the fact that the choices that had to be made were for her welfare, and the hospital wouldn’t release her until she did what was required.

Here’s what I have learned about boundaries, it is finally learning that you are not obligated in anyway to take on someone else’s crap. It is learning not to keep boundaries, and make sure you are ok, and not harmed by the other person. More importantly, however, it is about knowing how powerful you are and what the truth is and living by it.

When you finally understand this, you free. It won’t matter how much someone insults you or how difficult they are. You know you can state your peace, take care of yourself, and even just walk out, never to return. All are your choices, and you don’t mind the other person’s reaction. Their emotions are not your business, never was. But now you know that their emotions are not your responsibility.

Fondly,

For those who have have/had parents who were manipulative, toxic, selfish, narcissistic or have/had borderline personality disorder and you have not yet been able to find your balance and sense of grounded, expansive energetic way of being, I invite you to book a consult with me.

Imagine you finding your balance, reconnecting with a greater sense of self and purpose, and no longer carrying the baggage of guilt, shame and feelings of less than. Wouldn’t that be a marvelous feeling? I look forward to helping you on your path.

Dream Big, Hold on Tight! and Keep Your Heart Open Wide…